April 25, 2012

My day began when my Mom called me. My alarm had just sounded when she had called. I said "hello" and I heard her voice, forever echoing in my ear...she said "hello", I knew something was wrong. I said "Mommy whats wrong??"  She says, "I am not feeling very good baby". Little did I know that it was more serious than the previous times. I drove to her house. My car did not fail me. I ran it harder than anyone has ran that car. I beat the Ambulance there. I was not sure what was happening. I was alarmed when I heard the medic ask her if she normally had low blood pressure. Of course she did not. It was not the same thing as before, this we found out real soon.My sister met us at the hospital. She was standing up at the bay doors. We were ushered into a ER room. There the nurses began to do their job. The Dr came in and was real concerned. Things progressed and not in a good way. I am not going to detail the events, they are too hard to say, to read. My husband came as did my sisters husband and his mother. My mom's breathing had decreased. Respiration was low. The Dr said that we needed to be at her head. There Christie and I talked to our mother in a soft, strong voice. We told her we loved her very much and we were going to be OK. That it was also OK for her to go, just to give Granddaddy, Grams and Pop a hug and kiss for us. My mom, my hero, my #1 supporter in all of my life took her last breath at 5:35pm. A huge piece of me died that day. How ever will life be the same. Who will I call when I have good news, when I have a question, when I am sad, when I just need someone to listen to me. I am thankful that I had my mom in my life for 39 years! I would not be who I am today without her. She raised me the right way and I know she is proud of me. I am thankful for my Sister, she is strong just like Mom. Also I am thankful for my hubby, Charlie and my girls, Jessica and Jennifer, they make me smile. They are here for me and I too am here for them, for my father who loves us very much, for my friends who are there to also pick up the pieces, for the Eagle Momsters and Dadsters. The Momsters have become surrogate mothers in a sense that is comforting.  I am at peace knowing that your not in pain any more Mom, that you are flying with the Eagles and in the comforts of our Lord. I will see you again and that will be a joyous reunion!! I LOVE YOU MOM, and I MISS YOU more than anyone knows. 

My Poem to my Mom, April 25th 2012

Mom,
The day you died I kissed your face four times
After you died I held you close to me
I knew it would be the last time I held you for the rest of my life
You were so sick, in so much pain
That is no life
I know you were afraid to die
I hope you have found comfort
Do you remember how I held your hand and lay my head on your shoulder
Even at that moment I couldn't imagine life without you
People talk about broken hearts in songs or movies
Until that moment I had never known a true broken heart
Over and over I thought "How can I live without you?"
I watched you live, I watch you die
Every day I look up at the sky
I know you're waiting for me
I miss you